Grief And Creativity

Dear Worlds,

Yesterday, Elizabeth Gilbert posted a screenshot of her voice memos on Instagram: she has been recording herself talking to her late partner, who died earlier this year. She wrote a beautiful caption where she explained how she created this process instinctively, following her deepest need and what made her feel good. She also shared other practices that brought her partner near.

Here is a sentence that resonated with me:
"[...] if ever there is a circumstance in life in which we NEED imagination, it is while we are grieving. Never have I needed my creativity more, than as I navigate this devastating loss."

Reading her post was timely. 

Last week, I went to a celebration of the Day of the Dead, at the beautiful community space/gallery/store Likely General in Toronto. It was November 1st, which I have known my whole life as "la Toussaint", All Saints Day, or "la fête de tous les morts". Although "fête" means birthday in Quebec, in France it means either party, celebration or day of remembrance. For me, la Toussaint had always been a rainy turning point where everyone gets the blues because, death, plus, leaves are falling.

But November 1st is also my late sister's birthday. She passed away at 35 in October, three years ago.

I do not have a full grasp on my grief yet. First because, do we ever, and second, the circumstances of my sister's death, and my relationship to her, require much untangling.

She died of a violent death, after suffering from mental health issues. It takes time to identify and own one's language of dealing with violence and psychosis. One's own signifiers of a complicated sisterly love lived through that frame. And of what such a relationship can turn into after death.

But on that day, I must have done some untangling, because I felt like honoring her memory by holding a moment, a space with her. When I got up I wasn't sure how I would do it, but I knew that I would light a candle at some point. Then I saw the Day of the Dead event online, signed up on a whim, and went after work. I was one of twelve people who shared what they felt like sharing, and at one point, each one of us got to light a candle.

The celebration and the space created for the occasion were beautiful. She would have loved it. Everything looked like her. I wished her a happy birthday, and for me, it was. I felt very connected to and comfortable with the people I had just met, in this place of vulnerability. 

Every year, in October and November my rituals for my late sister evolve, as I keep creating, and learning from people through grief. This powerful connector. 

Picture by Bryonie Wise @heart_roars

You can listen to Elizabeth Gilbert talking more about grief in this wonderful recent TED interview.