An Act Of Self Love
Dear Worlds,
I shaved my head again last night.
I hadn't done it in a few weeks because temperatures had been going down, but although I don't mind my look when my hair grows a bit, I had been yearning for that refresh, reset, new start feeling. And for that moment with myself in front of the mirror.
I had mid/long hair when I moved to Toronto after a year in Montreal. Thick, some of it gray which I have come to like, curly on my good hair days - about four times a year - and uneven.
During my year in Montreal, I wanted to keep growing it, but I had lost so much hair in 2015/16 after a double trauma that as my remaining hair kept growing, the ends kept getting super thin and I had to trim them at least every three months.
That came with a budget. As curly haired women know, not every hairdresser knows how to take care of our hair. It also came with disappointment every other month. Like "yay, it's growing! Oh no, the ends are getting thin again."
It might sound superficial. It is not. That repetitive disappointment in the mirror was a constant reminder of what I had been through, and the long way to go to move past it.
Shortly after moving in with my partner in Toronto, we signed up to a background acting agency, and went on our first set together. I was given the role of a journalist, and when I went to hair and makeup, I sat in front of a mirror surrounded with lightbulbs just like you picture it, and they did my hair in an uptight braid. The end was very thin.
The day was fun and interesting, but I didn't feel completely at ease in my suit, being dressed up like that reminded me of job interviews gone bad, of a corporate world I had tried to fit in.
When we went home that night, I told my partner "I wonder what kind of role the agency would give me if I shaved my head". I told him the idea had popped in my mind a few times before. He seemed to like the idea a lot. Two days later over breakfast I told him, "I'm shaving my head today."
Shaving my head lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. There I was in the mirror, and under the palm of my hand: just me.
Just me, not the idea of people I had been trying to please or look like by doing my hair this or that way. I could really see and touch the shape of my skull for the first time. It's very intimate! I couldn't hide anything behind strands of hair anymore, it was all: revealed. I found out my ears were not as big as I thought they were. That day, I also stopped wearing makeup. And started feeling more at peace with my beauty, and less inhibited. It did help that my partner told me I was beautiful and sexy, and that my friends loved it too.
It's amazing all the things that shaving my head changed for me. On the practical level, much shorter showers, no more hair drying or hair masks, no more hairdresser: yes! More time for my actual day. I also started experimenting with clothes, and seeing that I tried and liked way more styles than I used to. As I walked on the street, I started feeling free from the (idea of the) look of people. I no longer felt judged. (By myself, that is.)
After relishing those new sensations for a few days, I posted a picture on facebook , as you do, and the feedback was great, and interesting too: men's emojis were mostly shocked, and women were sincerely touched. Several women told me they had been thinking about it for a long time.
Do it!
I shaved my head again last night.
I hadn't done it in a few weeks because temperatures had been going down, but although I don't mind my look when my hair grows a bit, I had been yearning for that refresh, reset, new start feeling. And for that moment with myself in front of the mirror.
I had mid/long hair when I moved to Toronto after a year in Montreal. Thick, some of it gray which I have come to like, curly on my good hair days - about four times a year - and uneven.
During my year in Montreal, I wanted to keep growing it, but I had lost so much hair in 2015/16 after a double trauma that as my remaining hair kept growing, the ends kept getting super thin and I had to trim them at least every three months.
That came with a budget. As curly haired women know, not every hairdresser knows how to take care of our hair. It also came with disappointment every other month. Like "yay, it's growing! Oh no, the ends are getting thin again."
It might sound superficial. It is not. That repetitive disappointment in the mirror was a constant reminder of what I had been through, and the long way to go to move past it.
Shortly after moving in with my partner in Toronto, we signed up to a background acting agency, and went on our first set together. I was given the role of a journalist, and when I went to hair and makeup, I sat in front of a mirror surrounded with lightbulbs just like you picture it, and they did my hair in an uptight braid. The end was very thin.
The day was fun and interesting, but I didn't feel completely at ease in my suit, being dressed up like that reminded me of job interviews gone bad, of a corporate world I had tried to fit in.
When we went home that night, I told my partner "I wonder what kind of role the agency would give me if I shaved my head". I told him the idea had popped in my mind a few times before. He seemed to like the idea a lot. Two days later over breakfast I told him, "I'm shaving my head today."
Shaving my head lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. There I was in the mirror, and under the palm of my hand: just me.
Just me, not the idea of people I had been trying to please or look like by doing my hair this or that way. I could really see and touch the shape of my skull for the first time. It's very intimate! I couldn't hide anything behind strands of hair anymore, it was all: revealed. I found out my ears were not as big as I thought they were. That day, I also stopped wearing makeup. And started feeling more at peace with my beauty, and less inhibited. It did help that my partner told me I was beautiful and sexy, and that my friends loved it too.
It's amazing all the things that shaving my head changed for me. On the practical level, much shorter showers, no more hair drying or hair masks, no more hairdresser: yes! More time for my actual day. I also started experimenting with clothes, and seeing that I tried and liked way more styles than I used to. As I walked on the street, I started feeling free from the (idea of the) look of people. I no longer felt judged. (By myself, that is.)
After relishing those new sensations for a few days, I posted a picture on facebook , as you do, and the feedback was great, and interesting too: men's emojis were mostly shocked, and women were sincerely touched. Several women told me they had been thinking about it for a long time.
Do it!
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